Things Left Unsaid
by mishaminion42
Summary: John has to deal with the things he left unsaid which caused him to self harm, putting him in the hospital. When he woke, a surprised visitor was there to see him.


ahhh yes my johnlock story.. here it is.

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John's POV

I go back to that day, every minute when I am awake... no, that's a lie I have nightmares about it. No more of the war, just of him jumping off that damn building.

I started having a flashback about that day, the day I soon realized we both fell.

_I ask him, "Sherlock are you okay?"_

_He tells me to, "Turn around and walk back the way you came."_

_Confused I say, "No, I'm coming in."_

_But he insists, almost begging, "Just, do as I ask. Please."_

_I trust him with my life, "Where?"_

_"Stop there."_

_I am afraid, for the first time in a while. "Sherlock."_

_As he said this he sounded worried, "Okay, look up. I"m on the rooftop."_

_No. This cannot be happening. There was so much to look forward to. No. '"Oh, god."_

_He stutters. Sherlock just stuttered, "I-I-I can't come down , so we'll just have to do it like this."_

_No. Do what like what? I thought forcing the tears to stay back. "What's going on?"_

_I have no idea what's happening._

_"An apology. It's all true." What's all true?_

_"What?" I asked._

_"Everything they said about me. I invented Moriarty" He explained._

_"Why are you saying this?" I asked confused._

_"I'm a fake." He said but it couldn't be true._

_"Sherlock-" I said his name disbelievingly._

_Yet he continued talking, "The newspapers were right all along. I want you to tell Lestrade. I want you to tell and Molly. In fact tell anyone who will listen to you. That I created Moriarty for my own purposes."_

_No, this couldn't be true, it just couldn't "Okay, Shut up, Sherlock. Shut up. The first time we met-the first time we met-you knew all about my sister, right?" I said remembering as if it were yesterday._

_But he said, "Nobody could be that clever."_

_I said two words that held so much meaning to me that he couldn't ever possibly know, "You could."_

_He proved my point by coming up with the perfect excuse, "I researched you. Before we met, I discovered everything that I could to impress you. It's a trick. It's just a magic trick." He said but nobody could be dull enough to think that, he couldn't have possibly have known when we were going to meet ahead of time._

_"No. Alright, stop it now." I just wanted it to be over._

_"No, stay exactly where you are. Don't move." He told me._

_I obeyed, although every inch of my well being wanted to run up there and tell him to come on down so we could go home, where he could do his infuriating experiments, but I did what he told me to, I couldn't ever tell him no._

_"Alright." Was all I could manage to get out._

_"Keep your eyes fixed on me. Please will you do this for me?" He asked._

_The only other time I remember him acting like this is when we were at the pool with Moriarty, as he was taking the bomb vest off of me._

_Starring at him dumbfoundedly, I asked him, "Do what?"_

_He started explaining, "This phone call, it's...it's my note. That's what people do, don't they? Leave a note."_

_Fearing the worst I asked, "Leave a note when?"_

_My fear is becoming true..."Goodbye, John."_

_Feeling numb._

_"No, don't!-"_

The flashback was over when I woke up. I awake in an unfamiliar surrounding, but with familiar faces. I see Mycroft, Lestrade, and...my therapist? What was she doing here...oh...yeah right self inflicted wounds brought me here. Not really wanting to talk, also somewhat tired, I quickly drifted off to sleep, having another flashback dream.

_My therapist asked "Why today?"_

_"Do you want to hear me say it?" I struggled just saying that._

_She kept talking, I started to wonder if she's making me go through this pain on purpose._

_"Eighteen months since our last appointment." She stated._

_I responded with, "Do you read the papers?"_

_She answered, "Sometimes."_

_I stated more than asked," And you watch telly. You know why I'm here. I'm here becau-" I couldn't get the rest out._

_She already knew the answer to her own question, yet still asked, "What happened, John?"_

_The answer was there, but I couldn't find myself to say it._

_"Sherlock..."_

_She said with concern infused with worry, "You need to get it out."_

_"My best friend,(I thought to myself, that was a huge understatement, because I had fallen for the man that fell) Sherlock Holmes, is dead." As I said those words my voice seem to disappear, slowly._

_I just wanted him back, so I could tell him._

_She stated more than asked, "The stuff that you wanted to say. but didn't say it..." she trailed off._

_I answered, "Yeah."_

_She insisted "Say it now."_

_I couldn't bring myself to it, "Well...I'm sorry...I can't..."_

I woke up again this time feeling well enough and somewhat strong enough to to face the people that were there and wanting their questions to be answered.

As I slowly open my eyes, I see Mycroft there, still not sure why he's here, and I see Lestrade too. My therapist had must've gone home while I was sleeping.

"Mycroft. What exactly are you doing here?" I turned and looked at Lestrade nodding while saying, "Hello, Lestrade"

As if on cue, they both looked over, "Hello, John." Lestrade being the first to speak.

"Detective Inspector Lestrade, will you give John and I a moment to discuss something important?" Mycroft asked.

"Uhm, yes, of course." With that Lestrade left the room.

I knew Mycroft had something important to say.

He made his way around to the chair to the right of my bed, in the hospital room, careful not to bump into the leg I had shot, the right leg, dammit my limp will be back.

"John, there is someone here to see you. You should probably let them explain everything." He said getting up, walking over to the door, quickly typing a message into his cell, and held the door open for this mystery person.

But, wait, no, it can't be.

It wasn't a mystery man, it was the man who fell, the man I had fallen for.

Sherlock.

"Hello, John." Oh how I missed that sweet baritone voice.

"Sher-Sherlock?"

"Yes, John. I gave you the miracle you asked for, right?"

Flashbacks of that day at his grave, flooded my mind.

_I know it's only a short amount of time, but it feels like an eternity._

_I didn't really plan on what I was going to say, so I might as well say whatever comes to mind._

_"Um. Hm. You... you told me once that you weren't a hero. Um. There were times that I didn't think that you were human. But let me tell you this, you were the most human...human being that I have ever known, and no one will ever convince me that you told me a lie. And so...there. I was so alone and I owe you so much. Please, there's just one more thing. One more thing. One more miracle, Sherlock, for me. Don't be...dead. Would you do that, just for me? Just stop it, stop this.."_

When I came back to reality

Sherlock said "It was always for you, John."

He comes over sits in the chair next to me.

I look over at him and asked, "Sherlock, don't ever leave me again, okay? Also, when can I go home, to our home, back to Baker Street?"

I looked at Mycroft, knowingly nodded and left.

This of course went noticed by Sherlock.

"What is it, John?" He asked

"I left a bunch of things unsaid, but now I can say them, to you. Now that you're back and alive." My eyes are welling up with unshed tears by this point.

"John, just tell me." He insisted.

"The things I left unsaid, but I can say to you now, is that...the day you fell, I realized I fell too. I fell in love with you."


End file.
